Monday, May 25, 2009

Summer Massives

what i love about the summers in Los Angeles, as much as i love snow, summers in LA are magical . there are tons of good movies always coming out during summers, and when i was about to give up LA 5years ago, the thing that came and saved me and changed my mind was that summer, where i met alot of people and the parties just were endless . in a way every summer is the same, and in a way its different, the things that are the same is usually if you put yourself out there, you're gonna meet tons of people and its ever changing environment . the side cast, the characters are always different but the main role is you and you're the one who takes lead to this epic summer tale .

that picture above is a 'massive' . the first one i attended was in summer 05 which was 35000 people, and over the years as you can see it went up to 65000 attendes, and this summer, i think they are expecting 100,000 people, not only in numbers but they have also extended their duration from a day, now it will be 2 days, people from all over come to this event, hawaii, northern cali, miami, nyc, im sure people from out of the country too .

content, they have rides, fireworks and very very loud music, electric dance music is the root, and it goes down to sub genres which are trance, progressive trance, psy trance, dubstep, breaks, drum and bass etc . it takes a special frequency in your brain to accept the waves, beats and tones of edm . it just doesnt come with you when you're born, its an evolution of your mind to be on that level . i love Trance .

beauty is in the eye of the beholder they say, so are massives, it could be hell, chaos, phones just wont work, losing your friends in the massive crowd of people and lights, music pumping into your skull like its about to explode, people on substance, you'll feel lost in all the chaos, it would feel like lucifer himself has landed on earth .

on the other hand, it could be like enuma elis, where this would be tiamat's head, the paradise, the solace, the sanctuary that you've been looking for, where you become one with the music and all the sorrows of tomorrow will be swept away . it will be the lost city of lights, where the celebration of humanity come as one, people express themselves in a million ways, with costumes, bagpacks that can lightup a whole room, glowsticks, variations of dances . and on the losing your friends scenario, i feel it brings people together instead of losing them, it shows you in the middle of a field where the tower of babel has cometh, you lose all ways of communication cause you can hardly speak, its where you see connection, chemistry to bring you and your friends together and even at times like this they could be by your side ..

many and thousands, millions came into this scene for different reasons, some love the music, some drugs, some cause of friends, some cause they think its cool, some just like to unleash the freak within . as for me, i do not deny i came into the scene based on technicality, i first heard about the melbourne shuffle back in 1999/2000 and back then it was so new and fresh and i wanted to do it cause the fact it took technicality and ability to dance like that, you just cant jump in and do it from the first second, and it eventually brought me to glowsticking/glowstringing . that takes technicality, dedication and time . i dont believe in talent . anything in this world takes time & heart . and technicality is what i appreciate . the effort and love will bring out technicality .

and that is my reason, and such is a massive

Wednesday, May 20, 2009


its 3:14am, i just woke up . i wish i had a Yoseph who can explain dreams to the point like how he did in Egypt . then i would have him explain why do i dream of Michelle sometimes but this particular one is awesome . this dream is not about her but this person whose in the picture, last highschool class of mine, i dont have any other picture of him . his in the middle row, first one from the right . in my dream, i saw him walking up this fleet of stairs near a market near my house back in Kuching . i had a choice in my dream kinda this time, to walk away or to kill him . i kinda walk 2 steps away and in the end i ran up the stairs pushed him down the ledge from 2 storeys high, he fell down and was bleeding, i ran down and start kicking him non stop, and punching his face till it bled so much you could hardly see his skin . i kicked his crotch so many times, i made sure he would never have a child . i wanted to take a knife and stab him but i didnt had one at that time . i still end up kicking him over and over as his on the ground, to relish all hatred towards him that has been kept all this years . finally after i grew tired and his no longer moving on the ground, i step on his face with my foot and spit on him

and i woke up, thinking to myself, if i would ever see him again in this life, how would i approach the same issue, do i wait for the chance and push him over a 2 storey building? or maybe wait in the parking lot and run him over with a car? or maybe pay some people to drive by with bikes, not with guns but with knivez and stab him, cause i dont him dead, i just want him to be paralyze and suffer . i usually dont hold hatred that long . but this particular person, i really wish he burn in hell .

i hope all these things come true and you suffer a horrible death . and NO im not joking or making this up . i do feel this hatred ...

Monday, May 11, 2009


this is how her screenname was spelled about 8 years ago, i was about 140lbs and naive, i havent seen her face or touched her skin for more than 6 years . we met in college, i would like to believe it was fate that we were sitting in the lobby, we didnt had classes on fridays, and we started talkin as strangers, we started hanging out, for a few weeks, it was just pure chemistry, she was with another guy, and i was with another girl . couple weeks later i told her about this girl i liked alot and i had no guts to tell her, and wasnt sure if she liked me back, i drove her back in the old crappy car i had singing to the same song, jay chou's kai bu liao kou, and finally we got to her friend's place, i told her i wanted to talk to her for a while, and finally got my balls together and told her i liked her, she was speechless, i remember the night was calm, stars were in the sky and she thought i was joking and we continue on with our conversation .

couple weeks later, it was just the two of us hanging out by this 'lake' outside a library, we were sitting pretty close and she turned over and kiss me on the lips, ive kissed a girl before her in my life, but for some reason i could never remember all the kisses i had before that one .

she was for sure the girl i was gonna marry, the girl from my dreams . we were the couple of the century, match made from heaven, bonnie & clyde, my partner in crime, she was more than my girl, she was my buddy, she was my bff if put it on that term, shes funny, tall, sarcastic, witty, smart, sexy, cute, lovable, wears glasses, we had matching outfits, bought our expensive stunner shades at the same place, all the ingredients you ever needed .

i told myself, if she was the only girl i can have sex with for the rest of my life, i would be content, and i was barely 18 when i met her, when a dude should have banged at least near a 100 in their lives, no?

we would be buddies when we hung out with the guys, so we didnt had to make the others feel discomfort and we would get cozy once we're alone . i hate to admit it, but it was the best 3years of my life . when im outside without her, people would always ask "wheres your mimi?"

one day she left overseas to pursue her studies and promised me she would be back after 18months, that time never came . and i had to get out of where i was, i was crying day and night, even when im eating dinner with my grandma . and finally i made the decision to travel 9000 miles away so i didnt had to face her shadows .

few months later, she told me shes moving in with someone, and we shouldnt keep in contact anymore, cause she didnt want to have issues with the new guy . being the loser, i even contacted the new guy and asked him to take care of her the best he can .

i cant even remember the last time i talked to her, i remember she told me she was going home for a visit, and shes bringing the guy home too .

i really hope shes as happy right now, when i was at that point in my life . i do not believe in love anymore for many years now, but deep down inside, i still wish i would get sweep off my feet and be back into that naive state i was, i still hope for it everyday, but the sad part is, i know it aint gonna happen, cause iv gained experience in life and got to know that part of my life happened cause i was young and i didnt know any better .

i still dream of her sometimes, like maybe once or twice a year? her smiling face in my dream but once i wake up, i feel a lil empty . is that a sin? i cant control my dreams ..

dreamed last night ...

0168687183 used to talked to 0168921129 alot