Partners In Crime

well, i dont own a camera for now. so the house party on chinese new year's eve with around 40something people, laksa, beer and lots of wine . will see if i get my hands on the pictures of that night, its kinda of a celebration since i miss 3rd chinese new year back home, i miss hanging out with my buddies a lil, those who accept me for being me and still look for me constantly. here, on chinese new year day 1, back home usually ill go gambling somewhere with my friends, but here its a diffrent kinda of vibe, since i dont have much buddies to hang out with. i went on the ice again with my partner. the picture above is his arsenal and mine together. wev been goin total of 6 times together this season and i went twice without him, once he was in mammoth

snowboarding, and once i went alone where i got my face bleeding from the ice. he told me life in the big city is like this, i guess so huh, its not that i havent accept it since iv been here well over 2yrs, i just still sometimes wish its a lil diffrent here. im sitting here lookin at the computer wondering what to do, instead of doing something progressive like reading my books for school, instead i chose to sit here looking at the monitor and start to think nonsense, lookin at my messenger which had almost 300people, now with 5people online, it has its good and its bad i guess, even with so many people online, why should i go message them? why should i care? isnt it better to have no online so i can force myself not to care about others? my mum is downstairs, im sure she wanna talk to me about all my problems and the way i think, but somehow i just cant seem to relate it well with her. im such a selfish person, i guess i cant blame anyone not talking to me, if i were someone else, i wouldnt wanna talk to me too. im so worried about not being a loser, yet a true winner is a person who worries how to keep being a winner. is that true? i dont want to say im a loser, it sounds kinda stupid, but i guess im a true pessimist. its so hard for me to see things positively and im always cautious not to give others the slightest chance to take advantage of me. i guess this is what iv become, and limiting my own ability to socialize, even worst the location that iv been dreaming of, a huge metropolitan, with so many people makes it as if im living in a huge huge place with nobody at all . this is such a sad story... just wanna let out whats in my mind.