Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Bukan Diriku


this is an old picture of me sitting on a window's desktop, and suddenly a girl told me she had a crush on me 5-6yrs ago . made me wonder u just never know what ur gonna get in life . i used to love this pic alot . it seems peaceful with the blue skies . but she said it looks kinda lonely . lookin at in a different angle . it is kinda lonely . i got to admit . i am the one with the decision to let things be like this, yet im not used to it . i see white corrollas driving by on the freeway, reminds me of her . suddenly my small bed feels like its too big for me, especially when im about to sleep . waking up in the morning with no one to talk to . sitting on the computer without a anyone nagging me to spend time with them .

another friend said . love is not a math . it cannot be calculate or be return the exact amount . she said im just killin myself . said that im too much of a perfectionist . trying to be a perfect lover where as no one in the world can be such a person she said . maybe it will be one of the biggest mistakes in my life . but one thing for sure . im unsure of my heart . when i compare to the previous r/ship . she does deserve so much more . so much more . and my capability to love someone is at a pathetic level . i feel bad and guilty for her mum who put in so much effort and time and love to raise her, only to be taken care of someone like me . i feel im not doing a worthy job for all those who care n love her with all their hearts . iv made too many girls cry in my life . and everytime they do . i cant stand it . its eating me up inside making me feel like im not worth living .

i promise myself, i will try my best not to make any girls cry anymore, in my life . im so over michelle aka the haunting of the ex . just that i cant accept myself being someone not with a full heart . im so sorry ..

the song by samsons - bukan diriku .. just singing my heart out .

5 Comments:

Blogger Aliciaks said...

FALLING in love... some injuries with scar & never fade, some hurts for just a moment and some doesn't hurt at all coz it has got cushion on the floor.

It's complicated. You won't understand why until you are injured.

4:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

when u really hit your head hard enough, u'll learn from the pain. who knows, maybe five yrs time later u are doing so well in life? and with the girl u want to spend ur entire time with? u can choose to create it now. nomatter how playful u r, u still need a place, a home to really settle down with ur own family, cuz u aint young forever. i mean age grows. move on^^

-veroniaz-

9:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey,love knot b compared with another love..as people always say everything aint perfect in this world and nth could be perfected..just look at the bright side in life and always do..if theres sumbody thr for you at least its better that u dont have right man?just keep your promise and make sure you dont break it yeh?everyguys dosent like to see girls cry not only you and me

-your little brother-

7:35 PM  
Anonymous jackie said...

Hi,

We are publisher for avemag in Malaysia. "avesmag" is a non-paid periodical travel magazine where the objective is to inpsire people to travel. In our magazine, there is column on travel, places and foods.

Therfore, we would like to invite you to contribute your story either on food or travel and share it with us. I can provide you with more details information if you are interested.

Hope to hear from you.

Regards,
Jackie Wong
avesmag

4:28 AM  
Anonymous steven said...

To me, when two person are meant for each others, then, he/she is each other's perfect lover, don't even need to try.. every lock has its key.

2:43 PM  

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