Death Is A Design

the fan is twirling full speed, the light is shining brightly in the room, the keyboard on the laptop feels warm . and the music is pumping thru the headphones like its nobodys business . and the thoughts that keep turning in and out of my head is that i think im sick in the head . i love emotional torture . i love to feel sad, i hate to be happy, i love the feeling of anger . i feel no sadness for people's lost or death . i dun expect anyone to feel sad if im gone or perish from this face of this world . i love the pain in my heart . it makes me feel alive . i love to see blood on my body . like couple months ago . i flew couple feet of the ground and crash onto ice . my beanin flew away, my goggles were buried in the snow . i was spitting blood, my lips were all bit . my nose was bleeding . blood came down streaming down my face . but i love it . seeing all that red on the white snow . makes me feel iv pushed myself .
last nite abigail messaged me on msn asking how was i doing? why in the world would she want to know anyway? our lives doesnt revolve around each other . we only know each other by name . slightly better compare to the guy that pass me on the freeway this morning . we say hello when we see each other just for the sake of asking, theres no sincerity in those 'hi's and 'hello's . i wouldnt care if anyone perish tommorow . i wouldnt xpect anyone to care about my death, it would occur tommorow .
maybe one day when i gather all my guts . there should be some adrenaline in cutting myself .

p.s 5 miles is the lenght of our friendship . and i thought his my 'closest' buddy here in LA