Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Count Your Blessings

its 2:12am . about 15hours ago . i woke up . i saw the sun, wind was blowing strong outside the window . i was excited about life and its potential . i was craving for life . and 15hours later, things has turned 180 degrees . my saviour, my closest person iv been sleeping next to for months, told me shes in that hesitation mode again . she doubts herself, doubts me, doubts us, doubts the potential that we are able to acheive, iv been fighting over and over for a while now to build this power house of trust, to tell her to take my hand and ill lead her to the promised land, even if it means die trying . yet she has so many fears and doubts that it might fail, that its a risk, that it will mean losing everyhing to her and gaining nothing but a shot at life.

i took two sleeping pills, i hate the fact that my emotions are so messed up that i need sleeping pills to help me to sleep, to overcome this wall of emotions that im climbing . im not asleep yet . this is one of the toughest times in my 25yrs of life . its the darkest of all times . i have not work for almost 6 months, i cant go to school . i cant do anything . my life has been put on hold, and i feel like i see the light and im almost there, then i look back to find that im nowhere near the light .

iv been following tsewer beta for many years now, he has produce a few tracks that is absolutely worth paying to it in your ipod . "count your blessings" is one of em that im listenin to now . i feel it tells an amazing story and it help keeps me sane . cause it reminds me not to swallow the hold box of sleeping pills, it reminds me that im stronger than that, that i can overcome this and look back and laugh . it reminds me to count my blessings, the blessings i have, my family, my health, my sight, my hearing, my touch .

sometimes we all just forget how beautiful we are and we need something to reminds us that we are, indeed beautiful .


Blogger Yuhwen Foong said...

Be Strong pal! You know I got your back. Whatever you are going through at this point i don't know but i will pray for you my beloved friend. Take care. It pains me to see you in pain.

1:25 AM  
Anonymous Tsewer Beta said...

Hi Marvin,

Great to hear that you are following me for a couple of years. Your blog touched me, because I made Count Your Blessing with almost the same emotions. Cool that you understand the message behind the melodies.

I signed a contract this week by MWM studio, so my albums will be online again. It will be released in the end of January or maybe early February. Count Your Blessings will be on the new album "Alone With Others". It's almost finished!

Thank you for your post and good luck!

Tsewer Beta

2:15 AM  

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