Tuesday, October 13, 2009

The Trip

it was friday night 9th october 2009 . we decided to go hang out at her friend's place . 12:17am and 4:18am was the time the mental vacation begin cause of the consumption . total duration of the mental vacation was 33 hours 28 minutes . into this dream like state . never really slept the whole time and yet i was dreaming awake . reality has been distorted, memory lost, patterns would be seen on potraits and walls and on stairs . another world was appearing to me with the reflection of light on the ceiling in a room of darkness . literally . i was convinced i could see another world through a shadow that at that point in time look like a window .

the sun came up, we were outside . had no clue where i was or where we were going . the sun was in my face, i look at my girlfriend and i asked myself "who is she? where am i? where are we going? what am i?" all those questions instantly came to mind, but due to fatigue, i decided to walk along aimlessly and just hope im in safe hands . later on we got back to the house . memory lost took full throttle, as a baby born with a blank slaid . i return to that state . where i couldnt remember my name, how many languages i speak, what is a brother? and how does he look like . to the core essense of life itself . i was questioning all these questions in my head yet the answers were coming back at the same time at rapid speed, im convinced it came back faster than light speed . all the pieces was put back together not at once, but as if how Merlin could move objects .

saturday night, i was convinced that the room which was literally home, was a figment of my imagination, a creation of my mind . the sound that came out from the tv was talking to me, even a movie iv seen before by jim carrey turned purple cartoonish background and there were lil purple planets and stars hovering in the background of that movie like a cartoon, so it has to be in my head . the loneliness i felt was amplified . forever seems to take on a new meaning . i was running around the house lookin for her, and it seems like a nightmare where the door would close behind me and i would see part of her going into the room . paranoia was at its best . i couldnt be sure, cause reality was already distorted . finally i came to a theory that they were plotting against me, not wanting me to wake up to the real world, which is reality . cause i asked her many times "where am i?" . she answered "you're here" but that wasnt the answer i wanted to hear . i wanted to know why am i in this dream like state .

despite the moving seeds in that potrait, city on the ceiling peering through a window that was made out of light in a room of darkness, monster in the backyard with one eye, the streams of water flowing against gravity which the stairs evolve into . im more interested to go back there and control the paranoia and memory lost . but at the same time .. it took friday night to sunday morning to completely return to reality .

the memory still lingers and i will never look at anything ever the same again


Blogger Yuhwen Foong said...

Good one!
After leaving your blog alone for 2months, I wasn't expecting something like this.. HAHA!

Love you heaps!

12:51 AM  

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