3344 days later

  3344 days later. Over 9 years, 10 more months to a decade was the day I left my birthplace Kuching. So much has happened between those 3344 days, so much growth, even my typing now is different compared to the many years ago.

  So grateful to be able to live in California, to learn and to be expose to a bigger world, the lessons, the hardships, the friendships, the love, the heartache, the girls, the maturity, the marriage, the green card, the fire spinning, Burning Man. So much has changed.

  Being back here for the 2nd time since I left brings back alot of old memories, the years of falling in love, the heartache, the reason that I left insearch for a new start, a new life. It is a little weird to be back here and seeing not much has change and old memories coming out of everywhere, but yet I have change, the friends have change, in a good way. Married, with kids.

  Got to catch up with many of them tonight, and brought up topics of good memories, good laughter.

So I decided to do a post, to revive this blog. Its nice to write something more personal other than work and flow for a change. Old memories, friends and heartache instead.

To the exciting future ahead. Cheers.

Summer 2011

Got flown to Ohio, touched down, Melissa & Jonah took me out to some fabulous pho. Stayed at their pad for a week+, spent alot of time spinning, some times run errands with Grimm. Drove up with Jonah to Kinetic Fire Fest in Chicago, met Rem (this russian fan spinner) before the sun was even up. Met Asaf a few minutes later, and got to see my good eccentric genius friend Alien Jon. Later on, help build a dome in 3 hours out on an open field. LED spin jam happened through out the night, drinking tea with Nicky Evers, Alien Jon, Zan and Aileen and a bunch of other midwest spinners.

The next few days were filled with teaching workshops, learning, exchanging stories and ideas, met Charlie Cushing on that day. Went to Walmart with me driving Charlie, Alien Jon and Asaf. At night were some epic fire spin jams that went on till late.

Rain was heavy during one of the day of the festival, alot of us hid at the barn and taught workshops there. That night when the spin jam was outside the barn, it was pretty epic and went on till the sun nearly came up. Spent the sunrise with Christian Medina and a guy named Fox from Michigan talking about travelling, life, spinning.

Before I went back to Los Angeles, went out with Bells & Graham to Dancing Wasabi in Ohio. Epic

Kinetic Fire Fest, had an amazing time and made many life lasting connections.

Flew back to Los Angeles and drove up to Firedrums not long after with Jennifer and Tea Faerie. Firedrums, too much craziness to talk about. Epic workshops, epic talent, too much to take in. Rastaxel, Tom Charot, Thomas Johansson, LOOOP, Mcp, Rem, Asaf, Keith Marshall.

Help drove a family up to Portland, stop in San Francisco and hung out with a bunch of spinners and Portland with Cameron Dollinger.

Flew back to Los Angeles and 10 hours later was a on a 6hour flight out to Minnesota, was picked up by Ase and Sandra with Ase's kid Aedyn. Hung out at Ase's place a bunch, went out for pho behind his house one of time. And head out to Camp Fire, set up tent with him and hung out a bunch with Loki, Mojo, Ase, Exuro and a bunch of the MN kids, taught workshops, took workshops, hung out with a bunch of MN spinners, aspired, inspired, learn and taught. Got to hang out with Paul Greenbaum, Bliss, Thom Thumb, Alien Jon, Noel and a bunch of others.

Flew back to Los Angeles, and not long after left for Malaysia, after a 30+ hour flight with layovers, we passed out on the floor of Hong Kong Airport. Flew to KL, a few hours of layover and finally reached our final destination, after 30 something hours, we head straight to Petanak market and had two bowls of Kueh Chap. Spent the next two weeks, eating alot of Laksa and amazing Kueh Tiaw, hung out with high school friends, and childhood friends that I havent seen in more than a decade and my grandmas and family. Had our Kuching wedding, and our wedding dance was our partner poi set.

Left Kuching and spent 2 days in Genting Highland and then later on met up with Aifique, Crimmy and Ji Man, had an informal workshop in KL, then we had an amazing fire spin jam at Urbanscapes Art Festival in Kuala Lumpur.

We left KL and landed in Bangkok and took a taxi for 400baht to Khao San road, we tried to look for our budget guesthouse that I booked but somehow found out the road is basically a 3 feet wide alley way, after looking for it a while we ended up following a 5/6 year old boy down the alley way, after 8 or 9 turns into the maze we end up at our budget guesthouse Amarin Inn.

Spent a couple days at Khao San road, Prahatit Park, did some shopping, ate alot of Pad Thai and Tom Yum for really cheap. Met up with Kristi Knupp, spun some poi with her and got some information about Pai. We all got foot massages, fish spa and took a tuktuk around town for fun.

The next day we had a full body thai massage, couldnt believe I only had one massage the whole time we were there. Visited the Grand Palace, Wat Pho, Golden Buddha in Chinatown, took water taxis, roam around Thailand and rode elephants and watched the show Siam Niramit.

Took a 12hour train ride to Chiang Mai and hop on a 3hour van ride not to long after and end up in Pai. Got tattoos, rented bikes and cruise around, had Pad See Ew and more Pad Thai, fruit shakes, went to the Jungle Bar. Left Pai and was back in Chiang Mai after 2 nights.

Rested in Chiang Mai and head to hunt down Babylon Cafe in Chiang Mai, heard of fire spinning happens there on Saturday night. Met some Thai fire spinners, got together with them and spun with them. Epic!

Left Thailand and headed to Singapore to do a series of 4 day workshops. Met Singaporean spinners, taught workshops, walked around Orchard Road and thanks to Xyn for making it happen for us.

37165 miles, done .. next stop Burning Man )'(

The Spirit Molecule

so last night i learned, despite time, continous space of infinite and dimensions . our brainwave and our energy do fuse and one self can connect with the other being and become one, and learning about the purest of trust just base on a single touch of the fingers . i couldnt see her face, i couldnt hear her, we were floating endlessly through a sea of space and dimensions that is beyond any human comprehension . it was truly beautiful, the music floats and wrap around us and took us to places we would never imagine, there was no self, there was just mere existence, there was no limbs, there was no skin, nothing, just an invisible pure existence that was next to me, and even with all that, we did not communicate in our 16bit language that we speak, people call the human language, we were mere existence just existing in infinite space and beyond the stars . ill continue to pursue this answer, or question . is there such a thing as souls connected between realms? such tranquil connection that one do not need to speak or even see the other person, but knowing that soul is right next to them regardless despite traveling between realms and dimensions there was no bias stories or rumors prior to the experience, it was purest of the pure that anything sincerity could ever define . there was no specific destination or experience we were trying to achieve . how ironic it is, that we just went with the flow and wherever the flow took us . just to find out later on, its the place that people yearn to be and find . besides trust, another thing that i kinda learn, that place cant be found or track down or just visit at will . simplicity in the end is the best method, the place comes and take you .. not to be found, not to be go anytime of the day . the flow and streams of life, dimensions, universe comes and bring you to it, not the other way around ...

godspeed to you, may whoever reads that, i sincerely hope that you will be at the place and realm you belong in ..

Default World

47 days back in the default world as they called it . people sometimes asked me, so 'hows it going?' what can i say . ill try to put it as simple as possible, those 3 pictures represent so much, so so much that an average person will ever know or experience .

ever hear of those stories of a prophet who came from a far away land and tell stories about magic and faraway adventures that all the kids imagination run wild . what if i tell you those stories could be true? would you believe me? what if i tell you the prophet exist? would you believe me? how you ask, where you ask . the prophet didnt come and tell me those stories, i myself have turned into the prophet .

iv spoke to many where all of them turned silent, eyes glimmer, jaw dropped, hope found, inspiration over leak . i do not lie or exaggerate my stories, 80 year old men bewildered on my stories, mid 30s ladies eyes fill with tears of joy and hope . it proves to me that age doesnt bring wisdom nor experience on life, your choices and who you are deep inside bring you places, your passion, dedication, heart, hope brings you places and enables you to tell such of a place and experience .

burning man aint no desert rave . its such an insult for those who say those words, its not even close, its not about the naked people running around . dont act like you know, or act like youv been when you dont even know . dont judge a person you yourself has never been in their shoes . do you know? what life means? do you know what success means? do you know what creativity means? inspiration?

so i was there for 7 days, it took me 4 days .. to 'get it' . not to get what the place is . but to get what life is . what life is about . its not about that car, not about that ipod or that pimp jacket . its about passion, its about love . its about going for your dreams and really being what you wanna be, if you wanna be a wizard, a ninja, a cook, literally you go for that and do not fear what others think of you . and that place allows you to strip down to your very core and be what you truly wanna be, sometimes we do not know what we are inside or what we wanna be or become till we are truly in that realm where it is possible . reading this you may think you know who or what you really are . but trust me, if you havent been to burning man ... you dont .. 100% period .. you dont ..

the man burns in 316 days

Black Rock City

in 144hours the gates to this city you are lookin at will be opened . and its only open 7 days a year, once a year . i have never been, iv heard of it for many years. and i cant really believe im 6 days away from it . the feeling is so surreal, i could already feel the anticipation of other 50000 citizens that im gonna be living with for 7 days . they come from all shapes and forms and shapes, sizes, race, ethnicity, background, location. all there to embrace the one common goal, that is life itself . creativity unlike no order will be born . the city itself is an art, and all the people that will be there will make it unlike no other .

another unbelievable thing is i was talkin to a buddy of mine that we managed to get on the band wago to experience for the first time . we both agree that it feels like a test to get there . preparation has been made many many months before hand, money saved, plans made, tickets bought . and dealing with all the other shit that life has to offer many months . iv been to many parties and many events, but this is not only a party, but also a spiritual journey, i know its gonna test my physical, mental, spiritual limits . we both felt that our entire life that we have lived, every single moment and bits and pieces of it is leading up to this moment, the moment im talkin about, is people say "when you leave your door step of your house, you're at burning man"

so for us it will be on the 28th sunday morning

Forgive

it was saturday evening, i thought i was ready for another go close to 10months since the last experience , and was warned that it was gonna be intense, and a person who was well experienced got lost in the desert for a good 2 hours without water, and had stick in his hand bleeding literally believed he was walking through hell only to have his friends miraculously and literally saved him from heat stroke and death .

approx and hour and a half later, i was floored as they say, and nothing of any sort has ever ever happened to me like that i thought to myself . i even tried writing notes on my phone as we went through the night to try to keep my thoughts in order and for me to review em when i finally woke up from this dream .

i hated on the newbies i wrote, "they all sound the same after one point" he said . i shook my head in disappointment, they all do not sound the same, an experienced person will know where to look for the right beats to bring you to that better place . theres so much more substance than just being there, it is much more complex than that . there is connectivity with the beat, the people who were present, everyone was somewhat connected as one tribe, presenting their most creative and artistic way they could flow or present their soul to their surroundings . i could not stand by him, i could not bear to know a person who was standing next to me had no knowledge or frequency of how complex this current times are . i had to run, shamelessly admitting, i had to run away from that . and i did

there was no coincidence i found the people i yearn for a couple minutes after that even when i was suppose to meet them somewhere else .

but here is when something came and took over, something that was not approved of my mind and soul happened . something i could not grasp with reality on a parallel direction happened . i found myself lost, heartbroken, upset, scared, confused . this was when reality, time and depth got distorted really badly . it was like a nightmare . i couldnt believe what i just saw, i told myself "wake up wake up its just a bad dream thats all . i was the only who saw this, i made it up in my head" i found myself later sitting somewhere alone, not too long after it happened . i was in this place of darkness, for god knows how long, i couldnt speak, cause there was no words in my mind, i could not cry, there was no tears to be shed, i was not scared, there was no fear to be had, i was at this place where it had no name, no light, no sound, no emotions, just this bare emptiness and just existed without any reason . i was nothing

i opened my eyes to see someone sitting in front of me and the first words i spoke was "this isnt real right? that just did not happen right? i made it up right?" i repeated a few times . and the person who sat next to me looked at me and said "yes that just did, and no you didnt make that up, im sorry, and no its not ok" i was really sad that it was real and relief that i woke up from that dark place . but couldnt really tell if i was relief to be awake or rather it be a dream even if it would take eternity to wake up from .

glared into my eyes, i think i could have cried, i couldnt be certain . i asked "what would you do if you were me?" the answer that was given after a few moments of silence was "in what world, in what world would it be ok for me to do that to you? if it so exist, you have to teach me how to love, and trust you again"

to step it up to the next level, to dig deep within your soul . i found a way that i thought i would never never ever would, to sacrifice myself, my pride, my love, myself as a whole to another person . to completely utter gave myself up to be a gift to another person . to be able to tell that person, i forgive you . cause i know if i were to be in that position it would be even harder of a task to forgive myself and heal .

flow was then unleashed not too long after, i didnt had much to go back to, except the flow that i had, released anger, the sadness, the disbelief in one shot . time was still distorted, so did reality, even though iv travelled there once before and told myself that its all gonna come back, just not panic and it will fall back to pieces like sands of time .

30 hours later 5:11am i woke up again . and to have finally accept reality as it is, or at least took in consideration to truly believe in my head as for now we live in this one . i never thought it was possible for a human to shed tears for close to 24hours, the tears just came down and down like rain from the other person . and i found myself here sitting in the dark, pretty much emptiness and left with this dream that has taken place, but this time with no fear of ever not waking up cause i know the sun is rising not too long from now and hope & strength & belief will return at least to me, or this current state of reality that i believe i live in .